Five for Friday: Soft girl moments this week

Including one you can start actioning right now ✨

Last week’s Sunday Slice on my plans to hygge this winter got me a lot of Instagram DMs. Turns out, a few of you saw the appeal in slowing down and cosying up. One of those DMs was from my friend Tammi, who shared a meme with me that said “Hustling is cancelled. From now on we are relaxing our nervous systems and getting into energetic alignment with the intended outcome.” I took due note of it, because even though I had no idea what energetic alignment meant, I knew from the kind people on the internet that the Girl Boss Era was out, and the Soft Girl Era was in.

I sometimes wonder about the reckoning that will come my body’s way because I came of age in the Girl Boss Era, a time I will particularly remember for its lack of diversity and inclusion (at least in my industry). I think of all the voluntary hours I gave, and the things I gave into, to get a tiny slice of a career in magazines, without understanding the concept of what was fair, appropriate, reflective of my smarts or talent, or even my soul. There was no time to listen, only to grind. It was such untenable messaging.

The migrant ethic to work hard has always been strong in me too, but part of breaking unhealthy cycles is doing things less out of habit, and more out of intent. That for me is learning to recognise the voice inside me telling me to really think about what I want: a slower, quieter, less out-there kind of life. It’s not always doable because a career as a writer in this day and age has some expectation around presence, but once in a blue moon, when the schedule is looking a bit barer than it normally does (because I’ve put ‘DO NOT MAKE ANY PLANS’ in my Google calendar), I get to lean into that slower, softer version of myself, and it truly feels wonderful.

This is what that looked like this week.

1. Solo cake date: Took myself on an excursion to Sandy Bake Shop in Sydney’s Balmain, on the recommendation of my friend Karima (tbh, I probably should have waited for her to come with, but the urge for cake is always strong in me). I chose an assortment of things and sat myself at a table with my laptop, watching her team work. I love watching people in restaurants and cafes work and will always choose a seat at the bar given the option. I loved everything I tried, but my favourite was the ginger, caramel and pear bundt.

   

2. Matinee Movie: I remember the midday movie being such a big part of the TV guide when I was a kid. I bet it was a treat too: a little dose of culture smack-bang in the middle of what might have been a hectic day. When I think about all the writing/academic work I do in the morning (on a good day), and all the house/cooking/homework-assistance duties I might take up of an afternoon, having my time-out in the middle of the day, before I am completely exhausted, just makes so much sense. Watching a midday film makes so much sense because I get to briefly rest and recharge over lunch AND get to bed early of an evening. Plus I rarely ever finish an evening movie, and it doesn’t help that we spend time scrolling between options before settling on nothing, or on something we don’t pay attention to because we’re looking at our phones. This weekI saved all my laundry folding for Priscilla.

3. Clever comfort food: I do love the unhealthy sort of comfort food (Mac and Cheese, Pizza, Hot chips smothered in sauce or gravy), but there’s something just as good about a healthy and nourishing meal. This doesn’t have to be fussy either: soft girls love a ‘girl dinner’ but I’m cooking for a family, which is why batch-cooking a protein like chicken can go such a long way in minimising the fuss at dinnertime when I need to have some down-time, while also ensuring everyone gets their veg in. Poaching a chicken is easy and you can shred it with a cake mixer, and then you’ve got the basis of a number of soups, salads, pastas and stirfries. I made four out of five meals this week with mine, and the best part is everything comes together so quickly when you’re not worried about whether or not the meat is cooked.

   

   Three things I made with some poached chicken this week. Noodle soup, chicken and corn soup and a roast pumpkin and brussel sprout salad with feta and sundried tomato pesto dressing

4. Flow work state: The soft girl attitude of not overworking feels odd for someone who has been a part of the gig economy for over a decade, especially because, like so many authors, I ‘hustled’ alongside other jobs to set myself up in the early days. Ask a significant number of Australian authors and they will tell you that this is the opposite of the way they work, given so many of us are sandwiching our writing around the jobs we have that actually pay a living wage (plus all the other life stuff). But I decided to lean into it knowing it’s only temporary, and decided against over-pitching in my uni break and work only with what comes my way.

5. Sensory care: This week I attended a dinner celebrating the 50th anniversary of a McLaren Vale winery, and over dinner, the woman sitting next to me told me she felt weird because she likes to watch movies with subtitles on. “Why is that weird?” I asked her. “I do that all the time. It helps with my sensory overload.” I use my senses to write fiction, so I need to ‘lighten the load’ on them so they’re not exhausted and burnt out by all the stimuli coming at me everyday, especially with three children, their devices and a smartphone (and one that’s live streaming an ethnic cleansing at that). It’s the same reason I prefer lamps over lights, or why I am currently hooked on a soft, gentle gospel song, despite the fact that I rarely, if ever, listen to that kind of music (it’s Sarah Kroger's Belovedness if you’re curious). If you want to have a soft girl moment, I suggest starting with sensory care: watching a movie with subtitles on to give your ears a little rest, putting your phone on do not disturb, lighting a lamp or limiting your exposure to artificial fragrances. It can so long in freeing you up mentally, opening the space for your soft-girl needs to come through so much more clearly.

Happy Friday friends ♥